Conform

Life can be adventurous, even if you don't ask for it. Its kind of rare when i ask for it. Yep, i'm not fit, which i indicated in my previous post, but still i am mad enough to walk 10 kilometers at a stretch thinking about stuff. I was not alone, but my mind was free from the chit-chat of my friends around me. Yes, friends are an indispensable part of our lives, you just can't go without them. As i followed them through the night, what i found was that i really did not like the idea of walking across delhi, i kept quiet & kept telling myself i needed to conserve energy, so that i belong. It didn't feel bad when i did not belong but its a different dimension all together. Well, coming back to the walk, i kept looking around, trying to make sense out of things i saw; Trees, footpath, small pillars, the boundary wall, the houses, the high rising building & i started thinking what i wanted in life, & i didn't really want the big material things. Then, the next question, what do i want in life......no answer. I still kept walking, & i didn't really get to know when my friends got tired because they showed no signs of fatigue, they weren't really ready to give up. I had all my focus on myself, still kept walking, then there was a sudden outburst of rage, which i contained with expertise. I had the practice of controlling anger, but then why did i have a mood swing, what was wrong with me? while pondering over these questions, i tried to understand the nature of emotions. The mood swing was not justified, i didn't really protest against the idea which came up over a discussion of 15 minutes, i didn't take a stand that i didn't want to go, i just kept quiet while i had the chance to speak. & within a few seconds, i was directing all my rage onto myself. I started walking fast, my friends were behind me trying to catch up. & while walking ahead i understood the nature of my EGO. Its one of the most dangerous things, and so i didn't fuel it. After 30 minutes brisk walk , i gave up and so, my friends also accepted that they were tired and would not be able to walk any further, even though we were still quite far from the destination. At the end of it, my mind had become numb, i couldn't really think or speak much. Throughout the journey, i did understand quite a few things...